Quote Investigator® – Page 139

Quote Origin: Men Marry Women with the Hope They Will Never Change. Women Marry Men with the Hope They Will Change

Albert Einstein? H. M. Harwood? R. Gore-Browne? John Conwell? Estelle Getty? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Did Albert Einstein’s genius extend from physics to psychology? The following remark has been ascribed to him:

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

I have not found any persuasive citations. Would you please examine the provenance of this statement?

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is no substantive evidence that Einstein who died in 1955 made this statement. Indeed, it is listed in a section called “Probably Not By Einstein” within the comprehensive reference “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein” from Princeton University Press.¹

The earliest ascription to Einstein located by QI appeared in 1982 in “Forbes” magazine which reported that the line was spoken by the popular comedian Mort Sahl during a performance. Perhaps Sahl concocted the linkage to the famous scientist to heighten the humor. See the detailed citation listed further below.

The earliest solid match to the statement known to QI occurred in the play “Cynara” by H. M. Harwood and R. Gore-Browne which was performed in London in 1930. The drama moved to Broadway in 1931, and it was included in a compilation of “The Best Plays of 1931-32”. The character John Tring offered the following insight about marriage. The phrasing differed from the quotation under examination, but the underlying idea was the same. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:²

TRING—Exactly! That’s the trouble about marriage. Women always hope it’s going to change the husband. Men always hope it won’t change their wives—and both are disappointed! (He gets up.) Never if you can help it be a woman’s first lover—unless, of course, you’ve got the explorer’s temperament.

The play was adapted from the novel “An Imperfect Lover” by R. Gore-Browne, but QI’s search did not detect the quotation within the book.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: On Some Great and Glorious Day the Plain Folks of the Land Will Reach Their Heart’s Desire at Last . . .

H. L. Mencken? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: For many years H. L. Mencken was an influential and acerbic commentator with a national reputation in the U.S. His sharp witted and ferocious columns appeared in either “The Evening Sun” or “The Sun” of Baltimore, Maryland. Mencken’s low opinion of the general populace led him to predict that one day a “downright moron” would be elected President of the United States. This prophecy has periodically been highlighted by individuals who supported losing candidates. Would you please locate a precise citation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: On July 26, 1920 H. L. Mencken published a column in “The Evening Sun” of Baltimore titled “Bayard vs. Lionheart”. In the final two paragraphs of his essay Mencken elaborated on misgivings about the democratic process. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:¹

The larger the mob, the harder the test. In small areas, before small electorates, a first-rate man occasionally fights his way through, carrying even the mob with him by the force of his personality. But when the field is nationwide, and the fight must be waged chiefly at second and third hand, and the force of personality cannot so readily make itself felt, then all the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre—the man who can most adeptly disperse the notion that his mind is a virtual vacuum.

The Presidency tends, year by year, to go to such men. As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

“The Evening Sun” has not yet been digitized, and QI wholeheartedly thanks the librarians of the “Enoch Pratt Free Library” in Baltimore who accessed Mencken’s article on microfilm.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Work is the Curse of the Drinking Classes

Oscar Wilde? Frank Harris? Irish Barrister? Wilton Lackaye? Margaret Waters? Well-Known Young Clubman? Gustav Traub? Mike Romanoff? Samuel George Blythe? Arthur M. Binstead? Anonymous?

Picture of colored alcoholic drinks from Pixabay

Question for Quote Investigator: The scintillating conversationalist Oscar Wilde enjoyed modifying dusty platitudes to construct comical alternatives. For example, he reportedly permuted an old complaint about the working class to yield:

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

I am skeptical because I have never seen a solid ascription to Wilde while he was alive. Would you please examine the provenance of this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in “The Cambrian News” of Ceredigion, Wales in 1875. No attribution was specified for this short item. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

MORAL SAYING REVERSED.—Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Oscar Wilde’s plays and stories appeared primarily in the 1880s and 1890s. He died in 1900. He received credit for this remark posthumously in 1916. Thus, the support for the attribution to Wilde is weak. He probably did not create this saying.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: A Baby Is an Alimentary Canal with a Loud Voice at One End and No Responsibility at the Other

Elizabeth I. Adamson? Ronald Knox? Ronald Reagan? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: There is a definition that refers to the two ends of a baby. One end consists of a loud voice or a big appetite, and the other end is given a comical description. Are you familiar with this joke? Would you please research its origin?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest instance located by QI appeared in the July 1937 issue of “The Reader’s Digest”. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:¹

BABY: An alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.—Elizabeth I. Adamson

QI does not have any biographical information for Adamson, but based on current evidence she was the most likely creator of this quip. In 1965 future president Ronald Reagan extended the metaphorical framework to construct a barb aimed at government.

Details are given below together with selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Had a Writing Block Once. It Was the Worst 20 Minutes of My Life

Isaac Asimov? Robert Silverberg? Andrew J. Offutt? Harlan Ellison? David Gerrold? David Langford? Frederik Pohl? Anonymous Fan?

Question for Quote Investigator: The popular science fiction authors Isaac Asimov and Robert Silverberg were both famously prolific. Apparently, one of them delivered the following quip:

I had a writing block once. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

Alternatively, the remark may have been crafted by a fan in this form:

He had writer’s block once. It was the worst ten minutes of his life.
She had writer’s block once. It was the worst ten minutes of her life.

Would you please explore the provenance of this joke?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest published evidence of this humorous schema known to QI appeared in the influential 1972 collection of short stories titled “Again, Dangerous Visions” compiled and edited by Harlan Ellison. The author Andrew J. Offutt in the introduction to his tale stated that he had suffered a period during which his writing abilities had faltered. In the following excerpt Offutt employed his distinctive style using a lowercase “i”. Emphasis added by QI:¹

“Last summer, June 1970, i experienced my first Block, that ancient writer’s devil i’d heard about. Stupid; it was MY fault.

After an elaborate multi-paragraph description of his difficulties Offutt finally presented the punch line. The term “liefer” is in the original text:

“i fought, i kept sitting down and trying to type, i snarled, cursed, cussed, obscenitized. Kept on fingering keys, (i use three fingers, one of which is on my left hand. It gets sorest.) i kept on. Come on, damn you!

“i PREVAILED! It had been awful. It had lasted 45 minutes, and now i know what a block is. i’d liefer forget, and i will never ever stop at a stopping point again!

“i can’t see that a block ever need be longer, assuming one has any control over himself at all.

Harlan Ellison’s response to Offutt asserted that prominent science fiction authors such as Theodore Sturgeon and Robert Sheckley had endured blocks that had lasted for years. Ellison also wrote that the witticism about an evanescent impediment was already being told within SF fandom:²

There are fans who jest about me and Silverberg “blocking”—for half an hour. But one day will come, smartass; one frightening, mouth-drying day when nothing comes. And then you’ll know what it is to suffer the torments of a hell you can’t even name.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: In a Woman the Flesh Must Be Like Marble; In a Statue the Marble Must Be Like Flesh

Victor Hugo? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: I am authoring a book that discusses marble, and I’ve found an apposite quotation ascribed to the French literary titan Victor Hugo author of “Les Misérables” and “The Hunchback of Notre-Dame”. He employed antimetabole while comparing marble to human flesh. I have not been able to find solid citations in French or English. Would you be willing to help?

Reply from Quote Investigator: When Victor Hugo died in 1885 he left his heirs with a bulky copy-book entitled “Post-Scriptum de Ma Vie” (“A Postscript to My Life”). In 1901 a posthumous book emerged, and one section contained a collection of brief miscellaneous thoughts. Here were four in the original French. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:¹

Eh mon Dieu! la beauté est diverse. Selon la nature et selon l’art. Si c’est une femme, que la chair soit du marbre, si c’est une statue, que le marbre soit de la chair.

Les méchants envient et haïssent; c’est leur manière d’admirer.

Le savant sait qu’il ignore.

En poussant l’aiguille du cadran vous ne ferez pas avancer l’heure.

Publication of an English translation occurred in 1907 under the title “Victor Hugo’s Intellectual Autobiography: Being the Last of the Unpublished Works and Embodying the Author’s Ideas on Literature, Philosophy and Religion”. Here were the four thoughts above rendered in English:²

Dear God! how beauty varies in nature and art. In a woman the flesh must be like marble; in a statue the marble must be like flesh.

The wicked envy and hate; it is their way of admiring.

The learned man knows that he is ignorant.

By putting forward the hands of the clock you shall not advance the hour.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Men Who Have a Thirty-Six-Televised-Football-Games-a-Week-Habit Should Be Declared Legally Dead and Their Estates Probated

Erma Bombeck? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Television is filled with athletic events during the winter holiday season. A hypnotized sports addict could stare at the tube for hours on end. A caustic remark about this behavior was apparently crafted by the humorist Erma Bombeck:

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

I haven’t been able to locate a solid citation. Is this quotation accurate?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Erma Bombeck visited this topic at least five times in her syndicated newspaper column, books, and speeches. None of her statements precisely matched the remark given above, but there was a semantic overlap.

In 1972 Bombeck discussed stressful situations during which individuals talked to themselves. Although this might be considered mentally anomalous conduct she felt that it was sometimes justified. Here were three acceptable scenarios she listed. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:¹

The woman standing in the middle of the kitchen asking herself, “If I were car keys, where would I hide?”

The man on the golf course who has just missed a two-inch putt and is the only one who wouldn’t be shocked by his X-rated dialogue.

The woman who is married to a man with a 23-televised-football-games-a-week habit. (It’s even permissible for her to dance with herself.)

In 1973 Bombeck published “I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression”. She began her book with a set of self-revelatory remarks:²

Before you read this book, there are a few things you should know about me.

I consider ironed sheets a health hazard.
. . .
Renaissance women were beautiful and never heard of Weight Watchers.
. . .
Men who have a thirty-six-televised-football-games-a-week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.

The above statement provided a substantive match to the expression under examination, but Bombeck did not use the phrase “brain dead”. Also, the criticism was aimed at couch potatoes with more extensive viewing schedules.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Never Ascribe to an Opponent Motives Meaner than Your Own

James Matthew Barrie? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The Scottish playwright and novelist J. M. Barrie created the beloved fictional world of Peter Pan and Wendy. He also offered cogent advice about not ascribing excessively malign intentions to your antagonists. Are you familiar with this saying? Do you know when it was spoken?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1922 James Matthew Barrie delivered the Rectorial Address at the University of St Andrews in Scotland. His speech included a guideline with a humorous edge for assessing other people’s thoughts. Emphasis added to excerpts by QI:¹

I urge you not to use ugly names about anyone. In the war it was not the fighting men who were distinguished for abuse; as has been well said, “Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant.” Never ascribe to an opponent motives meaner than your own.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Never Attribute to Malice That Which Is Adequately Explained by Stupidity

Robert Heinlein? Napoleon Bonaparte? Ayn Rand? David Hume? Johann Wolfgang von Goethe? Robert J. Hanlon? Arthur Cushman McGiffert? William James Laidlay? Ernst Haeckel? Thomas F. Woodlock? Nick Diamos?

Question for Quote Investigator: It is easy to impute hostility to the actions of others when a situation is actually unclear. A popular insightful adage attempts to constrain this type of bitter speculation. Here are two versions:

Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by stupidity

Don’t ascribe to malice what can be plainly explained by incompetence.

This notion has been attributed to military leader Napoleon Bonaparte, to science fiction author Robert Heinlein, and to others. It is often called “Hanlon’s Razor”. Would you please explore its provenance?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive support for ascribing the statement to Napoleon Bonaparte. Robert Heinlein did include a thematically similar remark in a 1941 short story.

The earliest close match known to QI appeared in the 1980 compilation “Murphy’s Law Book Two: More Reasons Why Things Go Wrong” edited by Arthur Bloch. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

HANLON’S RAZOR:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

The description “Hanlon’s Razor” was used because the creator was a computer programmer named Robert J. Hanlon. The phrase “Hanlon’s Razor” was analogous to the phrase “Occam’s Razor”. Both referred to heuristics designed to prune sets of hypotheses by favoring simplicity. More details about Hanlon are presented further below based on the research conducted by quotation expert Mardy Grothe appearing in the 2011 book “Neverisms”.

Many people have expressed similar thoughts over the years and additional selected citations in chronological order are shown below.

Quote Origin: Never Go To a Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died

Erma Bombeck? Paul Dickson? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Recently, while sitting in the waiting room of a medical office I noticed that the potted plants were in dire condition. This was a bad omen, and I vaguely recall a joke about this situation. Can you help?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The humorist Erma Bombeck wrote a widely syndicated newspaper column called “At Wit’s End” and several best-selling books. In 1975 she published a piece stating that previously she was not a suspicious person, but her viewpoint had changed over the years. She presented several comical remarks about her increasingly cautious outlook. Here were three examples. Emphasis added by QI:¹

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Never trust an optometrist who won’t look you in the eye.
Never frequent beauty shops that don’t have mirrors. They have something to hide. You.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.