Quote Investigator® – Page 221

Beneath the Phony Tinsel of Hollywood You’ll Find the Real Tinsel

Oscar Levant? Ed Gardner? Henry Morgan?

Dear Quote Investigator: Every time I hear Hollywood referred to as Tinseltown it reminds me of the following quote:

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.

I have read this phrase in several places but was unsure who first created it. The internet quotation databases I consulted all point to the pianist, actor, and wit Oscar Levant as the originator, but I decided to do a deeper search emulating the QI-style! Now, I think the joke was created by Henry Morgan who was a radio comedian in the 1940s. What do you think? Will you investigate this clever remark?

Quote Investigator: Congratulations on your diligence in discovering the name Henry Morgan as a possible originator. There are citations in 1949 and the 1950s that credit Henry Morgan with a version of the joke. So, he may be the inventor; however, the earliest cite QI has discovered attributes the witticism to another individual, namely Ed Gardner who was a radio show writer and actor in the 1940s. The joke is ascribed to Gardner by the famous Hollywood columnist Hedda Hopper in 1947 [EGLA].

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When I Want to Read a Book, I Write One

Benjamin Disraeli? Washington Irving?

Dear Quote Investigator: Recently, I was reading the top-selling book “The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable” and encountered this sentence:[ref] 2007, “The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable” by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Page 95, Random House, New York. (Verified with Amazon Look Inside)[/ref]

Nero did not read novels—”Novels are fun to write, not read,” he claimed.

I was certain that I had read something similar before. After thinking a few minutes I recalled the following quotation:

When I want to read a novel, I write one.

This does differ from the words in the Black Swan, but the association in my mind was strong. When I searched for this phrase online I found the saying attributed to Benjamin Disraeli, but I have not seen any solid citations. Would you investigate this?

Quote Investigator: The earliest version of this humorous and imperious statement that QI has located uses the word “book” instead of “novel” and is indeed attributed to Benjamin Disraeli in 1868. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1868 May, Fraser’s Magazine, The Caucasian Administration in Trouble, Page 670, Longmans, Green, and Co., London. (Google Books full view) link[/ref]

When I want to read a book, I write one.

Another entertaining and more modest viewpoint concerning reading and writing books is expressed by the prominent American author Washington Irving in 1824. At the beginning of “Tales of a Traveller” Irving writes a section “To the Reader” using his Geoffrey Crayon persona:[ref] 1824, Tales of a Traveller by Geoffrey Crayon (Pen name for Washington Irving), Volume 1 of 2, To The Reader, Page vii, L. Baudry, Paris. (Google Books full view) link[/ref]

I tried to read, but my mind would not fix itself; I turned over volume after volume, but threw them by with distaste: “Well, then,” said I at length in despair, “if I cannot read a book, I will write one.” Never was there a more lucky idea; it at once gave me occupation and amusement.

Of course, this is a distinct motto; QI includes it as an engaging counterpoint. Here are some additional selected citations in chronological order.

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Outside of a Dog, a Book is Man’s Best Friend. Inside of a Dog, It’s Too Dark to Read

Groucho Marx? Ted Atkinson? Jimmy Husson? Jim Brewer ? Mary Stuart? Anonymous?

Dear Quote Investigator: You have researched some quotes credited to Groucho Marx, so I am hoping that you will be able to look into a saying that interests me. I work in a library and have long enjoyed the following quip:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

I have seen it on websites associated with libraries where the saying is credited to Groucho. Is this attribution accurate?

Quote Investigator: This joke evolved during several years beginning in 1947. Groucho only received credit by 1973; hence, it is unlikely that he originated this quip.

In May 1947 the “Nashville Banner” of Tennessee printed a column containing a variant of the jest based on a horse instead of a dog. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:[ref] 1947 May 31, Nashville Banner, Sideline Sidelights by Fred Russell, Quote Page 5, Column 1, Nashville, Tennessee. (Newspapers_com) [/ref]

Probably because he is well-read and articulate, Jockey Ted Atkinson has been credited with the following “observation”: “Outside a horse, a book is man’s best friend—inside it’s too dark to read.”

Below are selected citations in chronological order.

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Quote Origin: And the Sea Will Grant Each Man New Hope, As Sleep Brings Dreams of Home

Christopher Columbus? Larry Ferguson? John McTiernan?

Question for Quote Investigator: “The Hunt for Red October” was a popular action-adventure movie featuring submarine warfare released in 1990. The movie ends with a poignant quotation attributed to Christopher Columbus that was delivered by the movie star Sean Connery. Captain Marko Ramius played by Connery was about to start a life in a new country, and he said:

And the sea will grant each man new hope, as sleep brings dreams of home: Christopher Columbus.

This quotation and attribution are listed in several online databases. T-shirts and mugs are emblazoned with the statement. However, I have looked through many of the original Columbus documents online in English and in Spanish, and I cannot find this saying. Would you please investigate whether Columbus really said or wrote these words?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has found no substantive evidence that Christopher Columbus created this quotation. The earliest match found by QI appeared in the monologue of Sean Connery in the movie “The Hunt for Red October”.

The director John McTiernan has revealed that the quotation was concocted for the movie. The Special Collector’s Edition DVD of the movie contained an extra audio commentary track by McTiernan, and in his comments he referred to Larry Ferguson who was the screenwriter of the film.

The crucial revelatory comment by McTiernan was synchronized with the final scene of the movie during which Connery delivered the lines that he attributed to Christopher Columbus:¹

McTiernan: Larry Ferguson and I worked for quite a while to come up with this.

McTiernan: Larry wrote the poem that Sean quotes at the end.

McTiernan: Obviously, Christopher Columbus never wrote anything like that, but the gimmick works.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

How Could I Feel Like a Hero When Only Five Men in My Platoon of 45 Survived?

Ira Hayes? James Bradley? John Bradley? Rene Gagnon? Fictionalized?

Dear Quote Investigator: One of the men who appeared in the famous flag-raising photograph taken on Iwo Jima during WWII was invited to the White House when he returned to the United States. The following 2005 news article describes a heart-rending comment that was supposedly said by that soldier, Ira Hayes [LBH]:

When Roosevelt’s successor, Harry Truman, called Hayes a hero, the Marine said, “How could I feel like a hero when only five men in my platoon of 45 survived, when only 27 men in my company of 250 managed to escape death or injury?”

I find it hard to believe that a quotation like this would be reported in the 1940s. Perhaps a newspaper during the Vietnam War or the Korean War would publish a quote like this, but times were different during World War 2. When Hayes visited the White House the Allies were still at war with Japan and an invasion of Japan with horrible attrition was thought to be imminent.

A very similar quote did appear in the bestselling book “Flags of Our Fathers” of 2000 that was later made into a movie, but the book does not claim that the words were said at the White House. Perhaps Ira Hayes said it many years after the war or maybe it is a summary of thoughts he expressed to friends. Could you determine if this quotation is accurate?

Quote Investigator: This is a fascinating question that QI will be happy to explore for you. Remarkably, the Boston Daily Globe of May 14, 1945 contains an article in which Ira Hayes is quoted saying words nearly identical to the ones given above [BDG]. The event described in the article is not a visit to the White House. Instead, it is a rally in Boston at which three of the Iwo Jima flag-raisers appeared. (Thanks to top researcher Joel S. Berson for verifying this citation on microfilm.)

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A Master in the Art of Living Makes Little Distinction Between His Work and His Play

James Michener? Zen Buddhist saying? L.P. Jacks?

Dear Quote Investigator: I have been deeply moved by an inspirational passage that I thought was written by a Zen Buddhist master:

The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both.

However, when I recently searched the internet to locate the name of the Zen master I was shocked to find that the words were attributed to the late author James Michener whose fame was based on writing fat tomes that became bestsellers.

Michener did win a Pulitzer Prize and I do not wish to disparage his work but when I think of a spiritual guide I envision someone different. Could you look into this quote and determine who really created it?

Quote Investigator: There is no compelling evidence that this quote was crafted by Michener. Nor is there evidence of a Zen Buddhist origin. The spiritual tradition of the creator of the passage is Unitarian. Lawrence Pearsall Jacks, an educator and Unitarian minister, crafted the quotation and used it in a book he authored in the 1930s. His name is often abbreviated as L. P. Jacks.

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I was the Toast of Two Continents: Greenland and Australia

Dorothy Parker? Robert Benchley? Frank Sullivan?

Dear Quote Investigator: The writer Dorothy Parker was famous for her clever and barbed witticisms. Her remarks were often aimed at others, but sometimes she laughed at herself with a self-deprecating comment. I particularly enjoy the statement she made when asked about her fame:

Yes, I once was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia.

I laughed when I heard this, but then I began to wonder. Greenland is not really a continent, and Parker must have known this fact. Maybe this picayune detail is irrelevant, but maybe it shows that this quote is a fake. Perhaps Dorothy Parker never said it. Would you please investigate this quote?

Quote Investigator: Yes, QI will examine this saying for you. It is true that Greenland is not a continent, but it is the largest island that is not a continent, and QI still thinks that the joke is funny. Nevertheless, there is evidence that Parker originally told a different version of this joke. Specifically, Parker is quoted in 1956 stating that she was the toast of two continents. But the two continents that she names differ from the two geographical regions mentioned in the quotation above.

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The Harder I Practice, the Luckier I Get

Gary Player? Arnold Palmer? Jerry Barber? Jack Youngblood? Lee Trevino? Ethel Merman? L. Frank Baum?

Dear Quote Investigator: I am a fan of the golfing legend Gary Player, and the Wikipedia article about him says he: “Coined one of the most quoted aphorisms of post-War sport”:

The harder you practice, the luckier you get.

Is that true? Which golfer said it first? Was it Arnold Palmer?

Quote Investigator: Gary Player is a very fine golfer, but he is not responsible for this well-known maxim. The best evidence that he did not coin the adage is in a book written by Player himself in 1962 where he credits the aphorism to fellow golfer Jerry Barber. Before discussing that book QI will review support for Player and some other claimants to the phrase. The earliest instance of the expression found by QI that uses the word “practice” is not from a golfer. It appears in a memoir published in 1961 by a soldier of fortune during the Cuban revolution.

The saying is a popular motto and different versions can be grouped together in a family that stretches back to before 1900. Here are some examples:

The harder I practice, the luckier I get
The more I practice, the luckier I get.
The more they put out, the more luck they have.
The harder he works, the luckier he gets.
The more you know, the more luck you have.

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Quote Origin: Confused on a Higher Level and About More Important Things

Enrico Fermi? Bernt Øksendal? Earl C. Kelley? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: My favorite quotation should resonate with anyone who has tried to master a difficult subject:

We have not succeeded in answering all our problems. The answers we have found only serve to raise a whole set of new questions. In some ways we feel we are as confused as ever, but we believe we are confused on a higher level and about more important things.

I first saw it several years ago, but I cannot remember where. So I searched for it on the internet and discovered a reference to a math textbook: Stochastic Differential Equations. The information provided about the provenance of the quote is very limited:¹

Posted outside the mathematics reading room, Tromsø University

In conclusion, QI believes that Earl C. Kelley deserves credit for this saying based on the 1951 citation. Over time the passage has evolved and has been streamlined to produce the modern version.

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest instance of this humorous quote located by QI is in a book for teachers about workshops and the educational process. The 1951 volume is titled “The Workshop Way of Learning”, and it discusses a long-running series of workshops. The passage in the book has been streamlined over the years to yield the modern version.

The key passage appeared in the introductory chapter by Earl C. Kelley, a Professor of Secondary Education at Wayne University. Kelley discussed his experiences at the Education Workshop which had been hosted by Wayne for the previous decade with participation open to experienced teachers of all grade levels and subjects. Kelley listed the key problems experienced by the attendees:²

In the early days of the workshop, we came face to face with the problem of what to do with a hundred teachers, a block of time, and freedom. What was the very best experience for teachers which we could create? What program would best send them back to their pupils Friday morning refreshed and with renewed faith and courage to face the day? What habits and clichés of college teaching could we dispense with, and what offerings would stimulate creativeness?

These difficult problems inspired Kelley to craft the classic quotation about confusion. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:³

We have not succeeded in answering all our problems—indeed we sometimes feel we have not completely answered any of them. The answers we have found have only served to raise a whole set of new questions. In some ways we feel that we are as confused as ever, but we think we are confused on a higher level and about more important things. So this report does not purport to give final answers, or to claim that we now “know how to do it”. We see more need for revision than ever. But we are doing better than we did. And this is a progress report, rendered with humility because of the unsolved problems we see now which we could not see before.

Listed below are selected citations in chronological order which illustrate the evolution and impact of the quotation.

Laws are Like Sausages. Better Not to See Them Being Made

Otto von Bismarck? John Godfrey Saxe? Claudius O. Johnson?

Dear Quote Investigator: The quotation of Otto von Bismarck about laws and sausages has been a favorite of mine for years. I found several versions using Google, and here are two:

Laws are like sausages. It’s better not to see them being made.

To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making.

I looked for some clear references to texts written by Otto von Bismarck and translated into English to justify the attributions. I could not find anything. Could you investigate this quotation to find out who really said it originally?

Quote Investigator: Quotation experts Fred Shapiro and Ralph Keyes have identified the most likely originator of the aphorism. Before presenting that evidence QI will give the details of a citation in an American history textbook from the 1930s. This post ends with information about a bizarre duel involving sausages that was reported in the 1860s.

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