Quote Investigator® – Page 223

Quote Origin: She Speaks Eighteen Languages, and Can’t Say “No” in Any of Them

Who Said the Quote: Dorothy Parker? Richard Henry Little? Alexander Woollcott?

Who was the Polyglot: Winifred Stackville Stoner? Merle Oberon?

Question for Quote Investigator: My question differs from most. Here is a quotation of admiration with a stinger that I would like you to investigate:

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say “No” in any of them.

Dorothy Parker receives credit for this quip in multiple reference books. What interests me is the identity of the polyglot woman. Can you figure out who Parker was talking about?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Like many of the sayings assigned to Parker that have persisted in the cultural milieu this phrase is risqué. The earliest attribution of the quote to Parker located by QI occurs in 1933.

But QI has also found an earlier citation for a close variant of this joke in 1931 that is not credited to Parker. The witticism was written by a Chicago Tribune columnist, Richard Henry Little, who was writing about a former child prodigy named Winifred Stackville Stoner, Jr. The text of the article reveals a different interpretation to the notion of saying “No”. Little’s gag is not focused on promiscuity; instead, it refers to multiple marriages:¹

… it was proudly proclaimed that Winifred could speak twelve languages. But apparently Winifred never learned to say “No” in any of them and hiked up to the altar as fast as anybody suggested the idea.

It is possible that Little heard a joke from Parker and then modified it to create a less provocative version that applied to Winifred Stackville Stoner. Alternatively, Little’s jest may have been modified to create a ribald version that fit the wisecracking persona of Parker.

Quote Origin: Dying is Easy. Comedy is Hard

Peter O’Toole? Edmund Kean? Edmund Gwenn? Donald Crisp? George Seaton? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: One of my friends is an aspiring comedian, and he enjoys telling an anecdote about a gifted character actor who delivered a famously incisive line about playing comic roles while lying on his deathbed. A visitor approached the actor who was ill in a hospital and said sympathetically, “This must be very difficult for you”. The actor lifted his head, smiled weakly, and disagreed saying “No. No. It is not too bad”. He then spoke the classic apothegm:

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.

Is there any truth to this story? Could you investigate this quotation? My friend says the tale is about Edmund Gwenn who played Santa Claus in the 1947 version of the movie Miracle on 34th Street.

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is another popular variant of this show business adage that is similarly terse: “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” This tale is prevalent in Hollywood and has been told by prominent actors such as Academy Award winners Gregory Peck and Jack Lemmon.

Edmund Kean was a celebrated Shakespearean actor, who lived from 1787 to 1833, and who is sometimes credited with this maxim. However, QI has not located any solid support for this attribution. Other renowned figures such as Groucho Marx and Stan Laurel¹ are sometimes mentioned, but the evidence is non-existent.

There is evidence that Edmund Gwenn is responsible for this adage though the phraseology given in the earliest citation is different. Gwenn was a very successful actor who began with roles on the stage, appearing in West End and Broadway productions; later he appeared in Hollywood films. He died in 1959, and the first published description of his deathbed saying that QI has located is in a 1966 self-help guide by Neil and Margaret Rau that is aimed at actors.

A movie director and friend named George Seaton regularly visited the bedridden Edmund Gwenn at the Motion Picture Country House. The nickname Seaton used for Gwenn was Teddy. On Seaton’s final visit the following dialog reportedly ensued:²

“All this must be terribly difficult for you, Teddy.”
“Not nearly as difficult as playing comedy.”

The anecdote recounted by the Raus states that Gwenn expired immediately afterwards, hence these were his last words.

Quote Origin: I Take the Punch Bowl Away Just When the Party is Getting Good

Arthur F. Burns? William McChesney Martin? G. William Miller? Paul A. Volcker?

Question for Quote Investigator: The U.S. economy has experienced two large bubbles in recent years in technology stocks and in real estate. These gyrations in the market reminded me of an old comment from a previous director of the Federal Reserve.

He said his job was to shut down any wild and irresponsible “party” involving money before it could start. He was going to take the punch bowl away before people started profligately spending money and negligently loaning money. I know this was said before the terms of Alan Greenspan and Paul Volcker, but I am not sure who said it. Would you please explore this picturesque saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence known to QI appeared in a syndicated financial column called “Trade Winds” by Lou Schneider in October 1955.¹ He discussed a speech delivered to the Investment Bankers Association about a week earlier by William McChesney Martin who was the chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System. Martin employed the vivid punch bowl metaphor. Boldface has been added to excerpts by QI:²

Mr. Martin owned up that the Federal Reserve “is in the position of the chaperone who ordered the punch bowl removed just when the party was really warming up.” But it was done because there are economic danger signals in sight. “If we fail to apply the brakes sufficiently, and in time, we shall go over the cliff.”

Martin definitely popularized this figurative language, and he was the speaker in the first known citation. Yet, it was not certain whether he originated this metaphorical framework. Special thanks to top researcher Barry Popik who located the above citation. His webpage on this topic is located here.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Do Not Want to Predict the Future. I Want to Prevent It

Frank Herbert? Ray Bradbury? Theodore Sturgeon? Fred Pohl?

Question for Quote Investigator: I once read an interview with a science fiction writer in which he was asked about predicting the future. The interviewer was disappointed that some of the technological developments heralded in science fiction never seemed to actually happen. The response from the author was unexpected and haunting:

I don’t try to predict the future. I try to prevent it.

I think this answer confused the interviewer, but I understood it. The dystopian stories like Brave New World, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, The Sheep Look Up, and The Machine Stops are not attempting to predict the future. They are trying to prevent the futures that they describe. The identity of the interviewee is fuzzy in my mind and so is the exact wording. Could you look into the provenance of this quotation?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest expression found by QI appears in 1977 from the typewriter of the SF great Theodore Sturgeon who credits the remark to another SF luminary Ray Bradbury, the author of Fahrenheit 451 and the Martian Chronicles. In 1978 the idea is attributed to another famed SF writer, Frank Herbert, the author of Dune.

These initial citations indicate that the original statement occurred still earlier and QI is unable to determine if Bradbury or Herbert first voiced the motto. The statement has several variations. Sometimes the goal of preventing the future is considered to be the task of science fiction as a genre, and sometimes the goal is the task of an individual author.

Quote Origin: Be Nice to People on Your Way Up. You’ll Meet Them On Your Way Down

Jimmy Durante? Wilson Mizner? Walter Winchell? George Raft?

Question for Quote Investigator: Sometimes clichés become clichés because they express important truths. I think this is an example:

Be nice to those you meet on the way up because you will meet them on the way down

Can you determine who first came up with this insightful saying? Was it “The Schnozzola” Jimmy Durante?

Reply from Quote Investigator: There are three main candidates for authorship of this phrase: playwright Wilson Mizner, gossip columnist Walter Winchell, and comedian Jimmy Durante. New evidence uncovered by top researcher Barry Popik in December 2014 points to Mizner as the originator.

Currently, the earliest known citation appeared in a San Francisco, California newspaper on July 5, 1932. The saying was ascribed to “Miznor” which was a misspelling of “Mizner”. Boldface has been added to excerpts:¹

Wilson Miznor, globe-trotter, ex-Alaska mining chappie, scenario writer, playwright and sage of Hollywood, gave the following advice to a young and coming motion picture star:

“Be kind to everyone on the way up; you’ll meet the same people on the way down.“

Walter Winchell employed the adage during a radio program on July 7, 1932, and he has often been credited with the remark; however, shortly after the broadcast he ascribed the saying to Mizner in his newspaper column. Jimmy Durante spoke a version while performing in a 1933 movie. But the saying was already in circulation. Further details are given below.

Quote Origin: Never Miss a Chance to Have Sex or Appear On Television

Gore Vidal? Lewis H. Lapham? Fictional? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: When I watch reality television shows today I can only conclude that some people will do anything to be on television. This fits the advice the famous author Gore Vidal apparently gave:

Never turn down an opportunity to have sex or to be on television

Clearly this is a guiding principle to a large cohort, but I think it is an eccentric recommendation. Could you determine if Vidal did say this? I do recall seeing him on television multiple times, so maybe he was following his own counsel.

Reply from Quote Investigator: Evidence indicates that Vidal did say a version of this quotation in the 1970s. He was interviewed on the Charlie Rose television show in 2009 and was asked about this saying. He replied that the adage was his, and he originally said it to Diane Sawyer, the network correspondent who is now a prominent anchor.

QI has not yet located a transcript of the colloquy between Vidal and Sawyer. The earliest instance of the quote QI has found appears in the magazine Harper’s in a column written by the editor Lewis H. Lapham in October of 1978 where the words are credited to Gore Vidal.

Quote Origin: When I Was a Boy of Fourteen, My Father Was So Ignorant

Mark Twain? Fred N. Rindge? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: I am interested in a fantastic quotation that I always thought was from the pen of Mark Twain:

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

Recently I saw a documentary by Ken Burns about Twain, and I checked out the companion biography from the library. The quote above is listed in a section called “What Twain Didn’t Say”.¹ Also, I visited the Snopes website and found an article by Barbara Mikkelson that says the quote is apocryphal.²

I guess Mark Twain did not say it. But can you find out who did say it and when it first appeared?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Mark Twain died in 1910. The first appearance of a version of this saying that QI has located is dated 1915, and the words are attributed to Twain. There are a series of citations from 1915 to the present day that each credit Twain, but the wording used in these quotations varies considerably. For example, the starting age of the son is sometimes given as fourteen and sometimes seventeen. The final age of the son is twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-five and twenty-seven. An intermediate age of eighteen, twenty, or twenty-three is listed in some versions.

Mark Twain’s father died when he was eleven years old. Thus, if Twain did say or write these words he did so while inhabiting a novelistic persona. The saying does not apply to his veridical life. But, it might apply to a character that he created, or one he was projecting during a speech.

QI has not yet found any direct evidence that connects Twain to the quote. Further, the first known attribution to Twain occurs five years after his death. So the evidence is weak. On the other hand, no one else is credibly credited with the saying. At this time QI has not located any significant attributions to other figures.

Quote Origin: Kissing Marilyn Monroe Is Like Kissing Hitler

Tony Curtis? Charlton Heston? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Tony Curtis was a wonderful actor, and I was saddened when he passed away in 2010. For years I have wondered about a quotation that he supposedly said. The story goes that he was asked what it was like to kiss Marilyn Monroe and he said:

Kissing Marilyn was like kissing Hitler.

This is bizarre. I don’t believe it. Why would he say it? Could you help with this question?

Reply from Quote Investigator: There is considerable evidence that Curtis did utter these words and in his later life he did acknowledge that the words were his. The rationale behind the quotation is more complicated and Curtis gave more than one explanation.

In 1959 Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe worked together in the very popular classic comedy “Some Like It Hot” directed by Billy Wilder. Monroe was a glamorous icon in 1959, and the film contained a kissing scene between Curtis and Monroe. Curtis says he was asked repeatedly what it was like to kiss the leading screen siren of the age, and finally in exasperation he replied sarcastically that it was like kissing Hitler. He simply wanted to end the questioning with a joke. He really thought she was a great kisser, and people misunderstood the quote. That is one explanation he has given.

Another explanation is given in press accounts from the 1960s that state Curtis was very angry with Monroe because of her actions during filming which reportedly were irresponsible and self-centered. She refused to follow schedules and required a large number of retakes because she would not say her lines properly. These difficulties precipitated his comment about kissing Monroe. Curtis was simply expressing his extreme irritation.

Origin of a Theatrical Review: I Saw It Under Adverse Conditions. The Curtain Was Up

Groucho Marx? Walter Winchell? George S. Kaufman? George Jean Nathan?

Question for Quote Investigator: A critic once provided a hilariously nonchalant evaluation of a theatrical production:

I did not like it, but perhaps this judgment is unfair. I saw it under adverse conditions — the curtain was up.

This statement has been credited to comedian Groucho Marx and playwright George S. Kaufman. Would you please attempt to determine the identity of the creator and the name of the show that was being ridiculed?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The first instance located by QI occurred in 1931 within the “On Broadway” column of Walter Winchell. The column featured Winchell’s specialized vocabulary, e.g., “collabed” for collaborated, and “niftied” for making a nifty or clever remark. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Funny crack that one…I mean when somebody asked George S. Kaufman (who collabed on “Band Wagon”) how he liked the “Vanities” show…“I saw it under bad conditions,” he niftied, “the curtain was up.”

In 1932 the Washington Post attributed the jest to Groucho Marx instead of Kaufman:²

Groucho Marx … never has written dramatic criticism, but when asked about a recent Broadway show, he declared, “I saw it under unfavorable circumstances. The curtain was up!”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Never Let Schooling Interfere With Your Education

Mark Twain? Grant Allen? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: I am still in school and that is probably why the following quote attributed to Mark Twain appeals to me so much:

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Your blog posts about Twain quotations reveal that the information on the internet about what he said or did not say is sometimes unreliable. I hope this motto is genuine. Can you figure out who said it?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest known attribution of a version of this quote to Twain occurred in 1907.¹ However, QI believes that credit for this saying should go to the controversial novelist and essayist Grant Allen who published a variant in 1894. Indeed, Grant Allen was so enamored with the maxim that schooling interfered with education that he presented it in an essay and then restated it within at least three of his novels. The four works were published in: 1894, 1895, 1896, and 1899.