Quote Investigator® – Page 85

Quote Origin: When I Hear Artists or Authors Making Fun of Business Men I Think of a Regiment in Which the Band Makes Fun of the Cooks

H. L. Mencken? Robert E. Adams? Apocryphal? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: Acerbic commentator H. L. Mencken has received credit for a figurative remark that mentions military bands and military cooks. Yet, I have been unable to find a solid citation. Would you please examine this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1942 H. L. Mencken published a massive compilation titled “A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles from Ancient and Modern Sources”, and he included the following entry:¹

When I hear artists or authors making fun of business men I think of a regiment in which the band makes fun of the cooks. IBID.

The term “IBID” meant that the source for the quotation was the same as the source for the previous quotation. Interestingly, the previous quotation listed in the book specified “Author unidentified”. Thus, the quotation under analysis is anonymous.

The 1944 occurrence is the earliest one located by QI. The confusion about authorship is due to the presence of the quotation in Mencken’s compilation. Some readers ignored or misunderstood the fact that Mencken had labeled the statement anonymous.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: We Attend the Openings of Envelopes

Andy Warhol? Sylvia Miles? Wayland Flowers? Jack O’Brian? Rex Reed? Olivia Goldsmith? Ivana Trump? Anonymous?

Question for Quote Investigator: The opening of an exciting theatrical production or an innovative art museum can be a prestigious event with an impressive guest list. Yet, many openings are weary exercises in public relations with unremarkable attendees. A self-promoter who showed up at a large number of openings delivered the following gently mocking line:

I would attend the opening of an envelope.

The same barb has comically been aimed at a well-known performer:

That person would attend the opening of an envelope.

The famous pop artist Andy Warhol and the Academy Award nominated actress Sylvia Miles have been linked to these lines. Would you please explore this family of quips?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI appeared in the Broadway gossip column of Jack O’Brian in 1974. The actress Sylvia Miles was the target of an elaborate version of the jest. The ellipsis in the following appeared in the original text. Boldface added to excerpts:¹

A carbonated Sylvia Miles of course turned up at Cue Mag’s salute to Debbie Reynolds; Syl turns up at all openings; last week the madcap mummer attended half a dozen openings, including one envelope, two appendectomies and a cellar door . . . It’s not a good opening if it’s Miles-away.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: I Am a Lie That Always Tells the Truth

Jean Cocteau? Pablo Picasso? Herbert V. Prochnow? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The life mission of an artist is paradoxical. Masterpieces are not subservient to narrow facticity. Representing truths and insights requires the imaginative transformation of raw materials. Here are two versions of an energizing maxim for artists:

I am a lie that always speaks the truth.
I am a lie that always tells the truth.

The saying above has been attributed to the French poet Jean Cocteau who has also been credited with this variant statement:

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth.

Would you please explore this topic?

Reply from Quote Investigator: An important precursor of this remark appeared in 1922 within “Le Secret Professionnel” (“Professional Secrets”) by Jean Cocteau. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

On a coutume de représenter la poésie comme une dame voilée, langoureuse, étendue sur un nuage. Cette dame a une voix musicale et ne dit que des mensonges.

Here is one possible rendering into English:

It is customary to portray poetry as a veiled, languid woman reclining on a cloud. This lady has a musical voice and says nothing but lies.

Another interesting precursor was crafted by the prominent painter Pablo Picasso when he was interviewed by the New York City periodical “The Arts: An Illustrated Monthly Magazine” in 1923. His responses in Spanish were translated into English:

We all know that art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize truth, at least the truth that is given us to understand.

A QI article about Picasso’s statement is available here.

Between 1925 and 1927 Cocteau composed a collection of poems published as “Opéra”. The disease of leprosy was used metaphorically to depict mental disintegration and despair within the poem “Le Paquet Rouge” (“The Red Package”) which included a line that matched the quotation under examination. An excerpt from the poem appeared in the Paris newspaper “Comœdia” in 1927:²

J’ai lâché le paquet. Qu’on m’enferme. Qu’on me lynche. Comprenne qui pourra : je suis un mensonge qui dit toujours la vérité.

Here is one possible rendering into English:

I dropped the package. That shut me up. Let me be lynched. Understand who can: I am a lie who always tells the truth.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: A Facility for Quotation Covers the Absence of Original Thought

Dorothy L. Sayers? Lord Peter Wimsey? Harriet Vane? Philip Broadley? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: I have found the perfect sardonic motto for the QI website:

A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.

According to the “Encarta Book of Quotations”¹ these words were spoken by the character Lord Peter Wimsey in the 1935 novel “Gaudy Night” by the acclaimed mystery writer Dorothy L. Sayers.

Prepare for the twist ending of this message. I have “Gaudy Night” on my bookshelf, but I have been unable to find this quotation. Would you please help to solve this vexatious mystery?

Reply from Quote Investigator: QI has examined two editions² of “Gaudy Night”³ and has been unable to find this quip; hence, QI believes that the “Encarta” reference book is mistaken.

Interestingly, a different novel by Sayers contains a very similar remark by Lord Peter Wimsey. He delivered the following line in the 1932 novel “Have His Carcase”. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:⁴

“I always have a quotation for everything—it saves original thinking.”

“Blast the man!” said Harriet, left abruptly alone in the blue-plush lounge.

Below are additional selected citations that assist in the resolution of this whodunit.

Quote Origin: Art Is a Lie That Makes Us Realize Truth

Pablo Picasso? Jean Cocteau? Dorothy Allison? Henry A. Murray? Peter De Vries? Albert Camus? Julie Burchill? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Art works such as novels, paintings, and sculptures embody a stylized and distorted representation of the world. Yet, deep truths can best be expressed by deviating from the straitjacket of verisimilitude. Here are four versions of a paradoxical adage:

Art is the lie that enables us to realize the truth.
Art is a lie which allows us to approach truth
Art is a lie that makes us realize truth
Art is the lie that reveals truth.

Different versions of this maxim have been applied to fiction, poetry, and drama. The saying has been attributed to the Spanish painter and sculptor Pablo Picasso, the French poet Jean Cocteau, and the French existentialist Albert Camus. Would you please explore this statement?

Reply from Quote Investigator: In 1923 the New York City periodical “The Arts: An Illustrated Monthly Magazine Covering All Phases of Ancient and Modern Art” interviewed Pablo Picasso. His responses in Spanish were translated into English. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

We all know that art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize truth, at least the truth that is given us to understand. The artist must know the manner whereby to convince others of the truthfulness of his lies. If he only shows in his work that he has searched, and re-searched, for the way to put over his lies, he would never accomplish any thing.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: If I Cease Becoming Better, I Shall Soon Cease To Be Good

Oliver Cromwell? John Andrewes? Earl of Chichester? Mark Antony Lower? Viscount Fauconberg? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: A popular saying extols continuous improvement. Here are four versions:

He who ceases to be better ceases to be good.
He who ceases to improve, ceases to be good.
If I cease becoming better, I shall soon cease to be good.
If I am not better I am not good.

This saying has been credited to the controversial English military and political leader Oliver Cromwell. Would you please explore this adage?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This adage was in circulation by 1621 when it appeared in a book titled “A celestiall looking-glasse to behold the beauty of heauen” by John Andrewes. Spelling had not yet been standardized when this book was published. A section called “An Apologie of the Author to the Reader” contained a Latin version of the saying together with an English translation. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

Qui cessat esse melior, cessat esse bonus.
Hee that ceasseth to be better, ceasseth to be good

A contemporary formulation of this statement would be:

He that ceases to be better, ceases to be good

In 1630 the Latin expression appeared in a collection titled “Panacea: or, Select Aphorismes, Diuine and Morall”:²

It is not enough to repent, but thou must proceed from grace to grace, if thou wouldst atchieue the Crowne of Glory:
(Nam qui cessat esse melior, cessat esse bonus.)

Oliver Cromwell died in 1658, and the earliest linkage of the saying to the famous leader located by QI appeared almost two centuries later. An article titled “Remarks on the Pocket Bible of Oliver Cromwell with His Autograph” was read at an 1848 meeting of the Sussex Archaeological Society of England, and the article was printed in a volume of the “Sussex Archaeological Collections” in 1849:³

At the Society’s Annual Meeting, held at Lewes, 10th of August, 1848, the Earl of Chichester, one of the vice presidents of the Society, exhibited the Pocket Bible of Oliver Cromwell. It is the edition of 1645, “printed for the assignes of Robert Barker,” and is plainly bound, for portability, in four thin volumes. The autograph of the original proprietor is written at the beginning of the third volume only:

The Earl of Chichester believed that the large O and C were the authentic signature of Oliver Cromwell. The Latin statement accompanying the signature can be translated in several different ways. Here is another possible rendering:

Qui cessat esse melior cessat esse bonus
He who ceases to improve, ceases to be good

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: Don’t Be So Humble—You’re Not That Great

Golda Meir? Simcha Dinitz? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: A humble brag is a statement that on its surface appears to be modest or self-deprecating; however, the true intent is to highlight a success or achievement. The funniest response I have seen to these types of comments is the following:

Don’t act so humble; you aren’t that great.

Would you please explore the provenance of this remark?

Reply from Quote Investigator: This statement was circulating many years before the term humble brag was coined. “The New York Times” published a piece in 1969 about Golda Meir who had recently become the Prime Minister of Israel. The article was based on the memories of Simcha Dinitz who worked as a close aide to Meir from 1963 to 1966. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:¹

“There is nobody like Golda for seeing what needs doing—or saying,” Mr. Dinitz commented. “She is always telling people: ‘Don’t be so humble—you’re not that great.’”

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: It Is Easy To Predict an Automobile in 1880; It Is Very Hard To Predict a Traffic Problem

Frederik Pohl? Robert Heinlein? Isaac Asimov? Connie Willis? Ed Bryant? George Zebrowski? Ben Bova? Robert J. Sawyer? Sam Moskowitz?

Question for Quote Investigator: Predicting the primary effects of a new technology is difficult but feasible. Anticipating all the secondary effects is nearly impossible. Here are two statements of a viewpoint that has achieved popularity amongst science fiction aficionados:

In the nineteenth century a machine enthusiast could have predicted the automobile, but an SF writer could have predicted the traffic jam.

It is easy to predict the automobile but difficult to predict the traffic jam.

Would you please explore this saying?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The earliest match located by QI occurred in a 1953 essay by prolific science and SF author Isaac Asimov titled “Social Science Fiction”. Asimov discussed three different types of SF stories:¹

Let us suppose it is 1880 and we have a series of three writers who are each interested in writing a story of the future about an imaginary vehicle that can move without horses by some internal source of power; a horseless carriage, in other words.

According to Asimov, gadget SF, the first type of tale, highlights the struggle to invent such a device and climaxes with its successful demonstration. Adventure SF, the second type, presents a romantic tale that hinges on using the device during action packed scenes. Social SF, the third type, explores the complex ramifications of the device as it is deployed within a society.

Asimov remarked that automobiles catalyzed the construction of suburbs. He also observed that vast networks of busy roadways resulted in large numbers of injuries and deaths. These indirect consequences of automobile usage would not have been easy to foresee. Boldface added to excerpts by QI:²

It is easy to predict an automobile in 1880; it is very hard to predict a traffic problem. The former is really only an extrapolation of the railroad. The latter is something completely novel and unexpected.

Below are additional selected citations in chronological order.

Quote Origin: It Is Difficult, After Knowing Opium, To Take Earth Seriously

Jean Cocteau? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: The prominent French artist Jean Cocteau crafted the most insightful remark about addiction that I have ever read. Some drugs permanently shift one’s perception of pleasure and purpose in the world. Would you please help me to find Cocteau’s comment about the difficulty of taking the world seriously after using opium?

Reply from Quote Investigator: Jean Cocteau’s work “Opium: The Diary of a Cure” was based on a set of notes he wrote in 1929 with significant additions made in 1930. A translation from the French to English by Margaret Crosland and Sinclair Road appeared in 1957. Cocteau wrote the following about opium’s power, Boldface added to excerpt by QI:¹

It is difficult to live without opium after having known it because it is difficult, after knowing opium, to take earth seriously. And unless one is a saint, it is difficult to live without taking earth seriously.

Image Notes: Picture of a field of poppies from Schwoaze at Pixabay. Image has been cropped and resized.

Acknowledgement: Great thanks to the anonymous person whose inquiry led QI to formulate this question and perform this exploration.

Update History: On April 3, 2025 the format of the bibliographical notes was updated.

1957, Opium: The Diary of a Cure by Jean Cocteau, Translated from the French by Margaret Crosland and Sinclair Road, Quote Page 93, Peter Owen Limited, London. (Verified with hardcopy) ↩︎

Quote Origin: No One Really Listens To Anyone Else, and If You Try It for a While You’ll See Why

Mignon McLaughlin? Apocryphal?

Question for Quote Investigator: Imagine reading a constructive, entertaining, and edifying discussion thread on social media. If you travel through the looking glass you can envision six impossible things before breakfast.

Now, imagine reading an unconstructive, mind-numbing, and obscurantist exchange. This latter possibility reminds me of a rueful remark from the famous wit Mignon McLaughlin. Would you please help me to find it?

Reply from Quote Investigator: The journalist, short story author, and aphorism creator Mignon McLaughlin included the following adage in her collection titled “The Second Neurotic’s Notebook”:¹

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you’ll see why.

Image Notes: Variant rendition of three wise monkeys (“speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil”) from 3D_Maennchen at Pixabay.

Update History: On April 3, 2025 the format of the bibliographical notes was updated.

1966, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook by Mignon McLaughlin, Chapter 3: Men and Women, Quote Page 21, The Bobbs-Merrill Company, Indianapolis, Indiana. (Verified with scans) ↩︎