Mark Twain? Josh Billings? Artemus Ward? Kin Hubbard? Will Rogers? Edwin Howard Armstrong? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The Oscar-winning 2015 film “The Big Short” begins with a display of the following statement: It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. The brilliant …
Tag Archives: Mark Twain
They Eked Out a Precarious Livelihood by Taking in Each Other’s Washing
Mark Twain? William Morris? Edward Dicey? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Skeptics have questioned the economic viability of small isolated or insular communities by derisively envisioning rudimentary economies based on simple tasks, e.g., individuals would wash clothes for one another. This notion has been credited to humorist Mark Twain and socialist activist William Morris. In modern …
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This World Is the Lunatic Asylum of the Universe
Mark Twain? Thomas Jefferson? Voltaire? Edward Young? George Bernard Shaw? Laird MacKenzie? Elsie McCormick? Bertrand Russell? Kurt Vonnegut? Apocryphal? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Several thinkers have offered an anguished explanation for the dangerously disordered state of the world. Here are four versions: This world is the lunatic asylum for other planets. Earth is a madhouse …
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To My Embarrassment I Was Born in Bed with a Lady
Mark Twain? Groucho Marx? Wilson Mizner? Sydney J. Harris? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: A funny man once said that he was embarrassed to discover that his behavior had always been scandalous; he had been born in bed with a lady. This line has been connected to Mark Twain, Groucho Marx, and Wilson Mizner. Would you …
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Politicians Are Like Diapers. They Should Be Changed Regularly
Mark Twain? Dick Nolan? Ad Schuster? Betty Carpenter? Bumper Sticker? Jake Ford? Bill Quraishi? John Wallner? Robin Williams? Barry Levinson? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The number of sayings spuriously ascribed to Mark Twain seems to grow every year. Here are two versions of a remark credited to the famous son of Hannibal, Missouri: Politicians and …
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Eat Whatever You Like and Let Them Fight It Out Inside
Mark Twain? Lyman Beecher Stowe? Apocryphal? Dear Quote Investigator: The following eccentric dietary advice has been attributed to the famous humorist Mark Twain: Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. I question whether Twain said this because no one provides …
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I Have Made It a Rule Never To Smoke More Than One Cigar at a Time
Mark Twain? Elbert Hubbard? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Mark Twain followed two thoughtful guidelines regarding smoking: Never smoke more than one cigar at a time. Never smoke while sleeping. Would you please determine when he enunciated these rules? Quote Investigator: In 1905 Mark Twain celebrated his seventieth birthday at the popular New York restaurant Delmonico’s. …
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I Have a Higher and Grander Standard of Principle. Washington Could Not Lie. I Can Lie, But I Won’t
Creator: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), famous humorist Context: Understanding the humor in the following passage requires familiarity with the cherry tree legend. A young Washington received a hatchet as a gift and impetuously chopped down a cherry tree owned by his father. When the future president was confronted he said “I cannot tell a lie. …
I Never Argue with a Man Who Buys Ink by the Barrel
Roger Branigin? Mark Twain? Charles Brownson? Irving Leibowitz? William I. Greener Jr.? H. L. Mencken? Benjamin Franklin? Dear Quote Investigator: If a newspaper editor or publisher dislikes a viewpoint you are advocating then you may have to endure a long series of negative articles. The following three statements express this notion: Never argue with a …
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The Secret of Getting Ahead Is Getting Started
Mark Twain? Agatha Christie? Sally Berger? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: To overcome procrastination one must initiate a task. Although this is straightforward advice it is an arcane approach according to the following adage: The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The famed humorist Mark Twain and the popular mystery writer Agatha Christie have both …
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